Days 21-24 Out of 365

Day 21: February 9, 2011
This was on Wednesday, which I honestly don't remember much of. I know I had rehearsal for the symphony orchestra. I'm assuming it was busy. I might have sat around and played my guitar a lot to try and comfort and calm myself.


Day 22: February 10, 2011
This was a bad day. Some mean-spirited things were said to me, things that just tore me apart. I had said earlier this week that I needed to come home. Well, it happened again and it was even worse. My dad came up to campus and picked me up after the musical that night and we went out to a diner and talked. I tried to convince him I needed to come home and not finish the semester. Instead, he decided that he would get Susan to call me the next day and we would see what the possibilities were.
It was a rough, rough night.


Day 23: February 11, 2011
I'd talked to my advisor, Susan and parents all day. Classes were difficult to get through, I felt like I was on the edge of just snapping. I talked to Susan, who wanted me to get evaluated to see if I should be admitted to the hospital. I was extremely scared and of course called the very person who I probably should not talk to at all. It helped a little, but was also frustrating. I wish things weren't the way they are in that regard. But I need therapy for that now. It needs to go away. I need to become self sufficient. I need to forget how life was because its never going to be like that again.
At any rate, this picture is me being terrified of being admitted before going to the ER at the hospital. I told her everything that had been going on and included I didn't want to be admitted. At the moment, I'm wondering if that's the wisest thing or if I should have gone ahead and been admitted. I need therapy. I don't know if I can get it right away though. Does that mean I should go to the hospital?


Day 24: February 12, 2011
This was Saturday, while being at home. I tried to stay around my family and stay busy and do things. I went to my sister's basketball game in the morning, where she had her closest game so far this season. Then I went with my mom to pick up the girl scout cookies my sister sold. As we were getting back, my dad wanted to go out to eat, so I had to change into a nicer shirt to go out. I choose that red shirt, thought I looked good. People say that you should wear bold colors if you want to feel bold. I did feel bold. I felt the way I used to feel because of them. But then I realized it was only because they liked me in that color and in that shirt.
I need to forget my life from before.