Day 30- 35 Out of 365

Day 30: February 18, 2011
Today I talked to my friend Michelle who goes to Swarthmore. It was nice to catch up and just talk. Apparently she's had some boy issues. Its amusing, seeing all my friends go and have their college adventures. We talked for a little over an hour, so it was just nice to relax after classes on Friday that way.
One thing that bothers me about Messiah is I don't really have adventures here. I practice and study and talk to friends back home online. Is that a problem?


Day 31: February 19, 2011
I had a concert on Saturday and my mom and sister came up to watch it. We played the first movement of the St. Paul's Suite, Beethoven's Symphony No. 1 and Smentana's Moldau. I think it was a pretty good concert and it was nice seeing my family. We went out to a Japanese hibachi grill and I had some pretty good steak. It was a satisfying only meal of the day.


Day 32: February 20, 2011
This is the first day of the new theme, which I had initially said would be macro. I suppose that it still counts, but I think I'll modify it to close ups. So, this was hurriedly done late Sunday night. Not the best, but its new for me and I'm working on it.


Day 33: February 21, 2011
This was the wrapper from a Dove chocolate that my roommate Vicki gave me last week at some point. I liked the quote so I saved it and decided to use it for a close up. Its a sweet sentiment, right?


Day 34: February 22, 2011
This was on a whim. I liked the focus on the tuner on my guitar though. I've been playing it more lately and I wrote a song the other night. I really like it so far and I've been wanting to record again. Although I am still really dissatisfied with my voice. I don't think that'll be going away any time soon though.
Anyways, hurrah for music! I'm going to stick with it and get better.


Day 35: February 23, 2011
This was after getting back from dinner and I just decided to take a picture of my key chain. I can go anywhere on campus so long as I have that on me. Its nice and easy, though if I should forget my card or keys I'm in some serious trouble. As shown by the poor bear, these go under some intense conditions and sometimes I happen to lose things. I've lost the keys to my violin case and guitar case, a ring and one card holder. My bear has lost two limbs for the team as well. Its all in a day's work though. Let's just hope I never lose him.

Days 25- 29 Out of 365

Day 25: February 13, 2011
I was still at home Sunday night, hanging out with my brother and the rest of my family. It was nice weather outside, so my mom grilled some steaks on the grill and I took pictures of the sunset that night. I think it was really beautiful, though the majority of sunsets lately have been pretty exceptional. It was a really good thing to be home, though I miss it so much right now.
I want to heal.


Day 26: February 14, 2011
This day was uneventful, from what I remember. I woke up that morning with hair that was pretty presentable and it made me think of how everyone in the Gesford family always insists that my hair is perfect. That morning, I definitely agreed.
I went back to campus though, and said good bye to my mom. It was nice, I took some pictures on the way to campus, it was fun.


Day 27: February 15, 2011
This is a vending machine in Climenhaga, the music building. I've been having issues with eating lately. I literally am never hungry for specific things, nothing tastes good or is something I really want. I skip meals, to snack in my room or buy a dinner later in the union. Or I just don't eat and drink lots of water instead. I get hungry, but nothing ever appeals to me. The feeling that my stomach isn't really there doesn't help either.
I thought the picture was appropriate, even if detecting my reflection is difficult.


Day 28: February 16, 2011
Today my roommate, Vicki helped me figure out what to do for my 365. It was late and I realized I still needed to do it, though I was all out of ideas. So, she gave me the idea of using an umbrella in the reflection. I liked it. I also like my smile here. It was difficult to get a shot, since my tripod was being less then cooperative.


Day 29: February 17, 2011
This idea came from Dani, who really inspired this challenge anyways. I asked her for an idea for a reflective surface and she suggested jewelry. I think it worked out pretty well, I should have thought of it for Valentine's Day!
I also like the way the reflection is distorted. You can see my Andy Warhol poster and other things in my room. I'm happy with the end result.
And as a bonus:
The picture below was an outtake from last night, when I was working with getting a reflection of myself in the heart. I liked the concept of holding a heart in a hand.

Days 21-24 Out of 365

Day 21: February 9, 2011
This was on Wednesday, which I honestly don't remember much of. I know I had rehearsal for the symphony orchestra. I'm assuming it was busy. I might have sat around and played my guitar a lot to try and comfort and calm myself.


Day 22: February 10, 2011
This was a bad day. Some mean-spirited things were said to me, things that just tore me apart. I had said earlier this week that I needed to come home. Well, it happened again and it was even worse. My dad came up to campus and picked me up after the musical that night and we went out to a diner and talked. I tried to convince him I needed to come home and not finish the semester. Instead, he decided that he would get Susan to call me the next day and we would see what the possibilities were.
It was a rough, rough night.


Day 23: February 11, 2011
I'd talked to my advisor, Susan and parents all day. Classes were difficult to get through, I felt like I was on the edge of just snapping. I talked to Susan, who wanted me to get evaluated to see if I should be admitted to the hospital. I was extremely scared and of course called the very person who I probably should not talk to at all. It helped a little, but was also frustrating. I wish things weren't the way they are in that regard. But I need therapy for that now. It needs to go away. I need to become self sufficient. I need to forget how life was because its never going to be like that again.
At any rate, this picture is me being terrified of being admitted before going to the ER at the hospital. I told her everything that had been going on and included I didn't want to be admitted. At the moment, I'm wondering if that's the wisest thing or if I should have gone ahead and been admitted. I need therapy. I don't know if I can get it right away though. Does that mean I should go to the hospital?


Day 24: February 12, 2011
This was Saturday, while being at home. I tried to stay around my family and stay busy and do things. I went to my sister's basketball game in the morning, where she had her closest game so far this season. Then I went with my mom to pick up the girl scout cookies my sister sold. As we were getting back, my dad wanted to go out to eat, so I had to change into a nicer shirt to go out. I choose that red shirt, thought I looked good. People say that you should wear bold colors if you want to feel bold. I did feel bold. I felt the way I used to feel because of them. But then I realized it was only because they liked me in that color and in that shirt.
I need to forget my life from before.

Days 17-20 Out of 365

Day 17: February 5, 2011

I took this immediately after I got back to my room from watching Beauty and the Beast at Abby's room as part of planned relaxation time since our lives had been the musical at that point. It was fun and relaxing, so I appreciated it. Its nice to have time out of the musical setting.

Day 18: February 6, 2011

This was Sunday, which was a pretty horrible day all around. I desperately wanted to leave school and go home. A lot of things influenced it, but in a nutshell, I don't know that I want to be in a school where I feel like I can't tell anyone I'm hurting because of relationships I have. Its not something I should be ashamed of and I want friends who will accept me for me. I don't know that I would get that at Messiah.

Day 19: February 7, 2011

This was taken in the study room in Naugle 3B. I didn't realize that the reflection was so good in there. I've had lots of phone conversations in there though, its a nice place to be able to talk, I suppose. Naugle is a nice place to live, location-wise.

Day 20: February 8, 2011

Another shot using my red mug. However, it didn't turn out quite how I wanted it to. Its not horrible, but not how I pictured it either. I can't decide if I'm content with it. Anyways, this was in a cup of passion tea. Its one of my favorite teas that I can get in Lottie, the cafeteria here.

Day 13-16 Out of 365

Day 13: February 1, 2011
This was day two of semester two. I found out that my Called for Community class was actually an hour and a half, instead of that hour that was listed online. It was a major letdown, and the class by its self seems pointless and aimed to make people argue about their beliefs. It was also the first day that we had a chamber group meeting with Ya-Ting Chang coaching. The time had gotten moved up so that she wouldn't be stuck in the bad weather that was coming, so I was late and also shocked when my violin teacher (her husband) Peter was there. So I was overwhelmed, which didn't help because I was also the least experienced in the piece, since I hadn't been able to listen to recordings of it and become familiar with it. That rehearsal was the beginning of my bad luck that continued into Wednesday.
Anyways, this picture is in one of Messiah's practice rooms, reflection is on a piano. It gave it an interesting texture. I'm getting bored with this reflection business though. It might be simply because I'm not taking my camera everywhere though. I'll have to put more of an effort into it.


Day 14: February 2, 2011
As I said, Wednesday was a horrible day. I was sore from walking back in the freezing rain and falling on the ice from walking back after the musical rehearsal the night before. I forgot french homework because I mixed up two pieces of paper that I needed for french. Then in class, I didn't remember verb tenses that should be a piece of cake for me. Practicing that day wasn't very productive and I got easily frustrated. I eventually tried to take a nap, but it took me an hour to fall asleep, then I had to go to rehearsal where I missed page turns and key signatures. Then during our break/intermission, the soda I got to drink exploded. It was just a bad day. So, needless to say, when I got back to my dorm, I was ready to call the day quits. This picture was taken in a floormate's room, when I finally got to see one of my friends who I hadn't seen yet this semester.


Day 15: February 3, 2011
The bad luck of the previous two days had me down. I also felt overwhelmed because it was difficult to keep up with homework due to the rehearsal schedules that I've had. However, it was also the opening night for the musical, which was quite exciting. I thought it went pretty well in general and I'm sure subsequent shows will be even better.
This picture was just me trying to stay out of the focus, because I had been feeling so down.


Day 16: February 4, 2011
Today isn't over, but I figured I would upload this anyways. This is meant to show that I feel like things are looking up. Also, Fridays are a lot less stressful, because I only have two classes today and its the weekend, which means I have time to get things done. Also, a decent chunk of the day is left, maybe I'll get another shot I'll like better later?
My parents are coming up for tonight's performance of Carousel. So I get some things I'd left at home and get to visit. Also, I think we're going to eat off campus! It'll be great, I'm excited about this show. I hope they like it, even if it is three hours long.